Sample 1 -
One thing that is done well in the essay is that it names the types of composition and movement with the correct terms.
Another thing that is well done is the introduction it just has the name of the excerpt and the purpose and is very clear and doesn't have extra unneeded information.
Something else that is done well is the explanations of why the specific shots are being used.
One thing that can be improved in the essay is trying to make it flow instead of it looking like a list of different shots.
Something that should be improved is to not add information that is not given clearly in the extract for example when it says that the woman was throwing out her bank statements but it never clearly clarified that in the excerpt.
Another thing that should be improved is to not use abbreviations in an essay, for example it says "following her w the camera" instead of "with."
Sample 2:
3 phrases that represent macro analysis:
"Everyday life continues"
"Documenting the history of our lives"
"This death is one in the sea of many"
The extract begins with introducing a woman who is sitting at her desk. It cuts to a close up shot of numbers on a paper that the woman is writing. The close up illustrates the importance of what the woman is writing on the paper. The scene cuts back to a medium shot of the woman which illustrates her emotions as she looks around the room thinking what to do with the paper. The paper gets ripped and then in a close up shot of the toilet it shows the papers being flushed. This shows how important it is to the woman that these papers are gone and nobody can see what was written on them.
The approach I took to rewrite my first body paragraph was to make sure to include every detail and message that the excerpt was showing. I felt as in my first time writing it I missed some key details of the extract.
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